Marriage Series - Polygamy and It's Problems Part 2

Hello everybody, my name is Dean Davis and this is “Multiply,” the podcast that provides a word of encouragement for Village Church Planters. 

A week or so ago, I shared a podcast episode that talked about the suffering and division that came to Abraham and his decedents because of their practice of polygamy. Both Abraham and Jacob violated God’s original design for marriage when they each married a second wife. And the consequences of their polygamy were not pretty: jealousy, mistrust, fighting, and even attempted murder.  The stories of the patriarchs in the book of Genesis should be enough to warn any young man to avoid polygamy at all costs. God had a beautiful idea in mind. He said that a man should leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife so the two would become one.  We need to always remember his good and gracious plan!

But it is very likely that you have known a family in which there was one husband and two or more wives. Perhaps you were born into such a family or perhaps you yourself entered into such a marriage before you know the will of God concerning marriage: one man marries one woman. If so, you understand very well what I am talking about when I mention the very common consequences of polygamy: jealousy, envy, selfishness, division, and even hatred.

I remember talking to a West African man who was the oldest son of the fourth wife of his father. His father was the village chief. His mother died and he was very sad. Then, his father, the chief, died.  The sons of his father’s first wife made sure that my friend and his sisters inherited nothing from their father.  My friend had to leave the technical school where he was studying to make his way as a laborer in the capital city. His aunts said they would take care of his younger sisters. But they did not. My friend’s little sisters, the chief’s daughters, suffered horribly at the hands of evil men.

Shortly after my friend told me this story, I shared the Good News of Jesus with him.  I used the Three Circles Gospel presentation.  It starts with these words. “The world in which we live is broken.”  We both wept as I said those words. My young friend had observed first hand that the world is broken.  He and his sisters suffered greatly because his father ignored God’s original design for marriage.  Our decisions have consequences and those consequences last a long time and travel a long way.  Even years after his father’s death, my friend and his sisters were suffering and grieving over the consequences of his father’s and his half-brothers actions. 

Stories like these are innumerable.  You yourself may be living through a story like this one. You may have friends who are experiencing this kind of grief right now.

But the Good News is that our God is a redeemer.  He takes what is broken and puts it back together again. He mends the brokenhearted.  He heals what has been injured because of our parents’ blindness.  You can be a part of God’s healing, redeeming work.  Warn everyone you can of the long-term, negative consequences of polygamy. Help the young people in your churches form healthy marriages based on God’s original design. Teach the children of polygamous fathers to do everything they can to live at peace with all of their father’s children. It won’t be easy. But God is with you. And so, your efforts will bear fruit for generations to come.

This has been “Multiply.” And I’m Dean Davis asking, “Who will you share this encouraging word with today?

#EncouragementForVillageChurchPlanters #Faithfulness

'One Another' Series - Bear With and Forgive One Another

This is Chuck Rapp with Multiply, a podcast to provide a word of encouragement for village church planters and leaders.

This year, in these podcasts, I am focusing upon the “One Another” scriptures found in the New Testament as viewed through the lens of leadership.  

Today’s episode comes from Colossians 3:13. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (NIV).  The Message says it a bit differently.  “Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.”

The context in the last half of Colossians 3 is dealing with relationships in the Body of Christ.  A few weeks ago, I shared from verse 16 where we are to “teach and admonish one another”.  

In today’s text, “bear with” and “forgive” are referring to those who have either wronged us or are troublesome to deal with.  Perhaps you can think of some individuals with challenging personalities or behaviors. My wife and I sometimes refer to such people as “extra grace required”. I think that the Apostle Paul had something like this in mind when he wrote these instructions to the church at Colossae.  

Leaders need to set the example and lead the way in “bearing with” challenging personalities and behaviors.  By extending grace, we minimize conflict in the Body.  On the other hand, if the leader erupts in frustration or anger, it sets everyone on edge emotionally, and strife is often the result.  

Paul goes a bit further in his instruction.  “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”  The Message elaborates on this with “quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.”  

• Forgive quickly – when we forgive an offense quickly, the matter doesn’t have time to escalate. The transgression is dealt with and resolved and both parties are able to move forward.  Leaders set the example.

• Forgive completely – in 1 Corinthians 13:1 (the love chapter), we read that love “keeps no record of wrongs.” To forgive completely is to refuse to “keep score”, to refuse to bring the matter up again … or repeatedly.  Having said that, “forgive completely” does not always imply entirely forgetting about the situation.  When serious matters occur, trust may need to be re-built, and that can take time.

• Forgive as the Master forgave you – Paul has a reminder for those of us who may struggle to forgive. Our model for forgiveness is Christ. If He was able to hang on the cross and say, “Father, forgive them …” then any offence that we need to forgive seems trivial compared to what Jesus endured and forgave.  

This has been a word of encouragement for Village Church Planters.

Marriage Series - Polygamy and It's Problems Part 1

Hello everybody, my name is Dean Davis and this is “Multiply,” the podcast that provides a word of encouragement for Village Church Planters.

Why do Christians make such a big deal about a man marrying only one wife?  All over the world, for thousands of years, polygamy has been a common practice.  Men marry multiple wives. Or men have a wife and multiple concubines. Or men have a wife and a mistress.  Sometimes polygamy is supported by the laws of the land. Sometimes it is not. But we have to admit, polygamy is very, very common. So why do Christians insist that polygamy is to be avoided and that marriage is between one man and one woman?

 

There are two reasons Christians oppose polygamy. The first reason is because God has designed human beings for monogamous marriage.  Polygamy means marriage with many women as wives of one man. Monogamy means one wife. God’s original design was for one man, Adam, to be married to one woman, Eve.  God set this as a pattern right from the start.  In Matthew 19:5, Jesus references creation and describes marriage by saying, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Two become one. Three do not become one.  Three cannot become one.  But one man and one woman can indeed become one flesh. Monogamy is God’s original plan for marriage.

 

But there is another reason Christians make a big deal about marrying only one wife. We know from observing the world that polygamy is full of problems and horrible consequences that should be avoided if we want to live in peace with our family. Just look at the problems that came to Abraham when he took Hagar to be his second wife: jealousy, conflict, rejection. You can read all about it in Genesis 16.  From the day Abraham took a second wife, he and his family began to suffer. They suffered even though his first wife, Sarah said it would be OK. It was not.

 

Or look at Abraham’s grandson Jacob. His marriages are described in Genesis 30. Jacob had two wives, Leach and Rachel. But he did not, he could not, love them equally. Jacob loved Rachel, but Leah was not loved. Even so, Leah did give birth to six sons and one daughter. Still Rachel had no children. So she became very jealous of her husband’s first wife. There was no unity in that three-way marriage. There was no harmony or mutual understanding. When Rachel finally had a child, she named him Joseph.  But the jealousy between his mother and his father’s first wife caused him great problems.  His half-brothers hated him so much they wanted to kill him. Only by God’s grace did Joseph survive their plan to murder him.

 

We see from the Bible, and from observing life today, that the world we live in is broken. Because we have rebelled against God and have chosen to go our own way, we forget that God’s original design is very good for us and for our children.  Brothers and sisters do not forget the goodness of God shown in creation. Help your people choose God’s good and gracious design for marriage: one man and one woman together in loving unity.

This has been “Multiply.” And I’m Dean Davis asking, “Who will you share this encouraging word with today?

 

#EncouragementForVillageChurchPlanters #Faithfulness #Marriage

Marriage Series - Husbands Love Your Wives Part 1

Hello, I am Daneille Snowden, and this is Multiply, a podcast to encourage Pastors, Christian leaders and church planters. 

Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

As I read this and have often studied this scripture, I observe the example of the sacrificial love of Jesus being challenged to the husband in the marital relationship. Sacrifice is not a popular word and action is it! Laying aside our own wants and desires to help and care for the ones we love is hard!

Honestly, this is something learned and is not natural to anyone. How does a husband love this way? Paul did help with that by pointing directly to Jesus as the supreme example of this love. Jesus could have stayed in heaven with His Heavenly Father. But He didn’t! He lived out a day-by-day life of discipline, humility, and even hard work. He turned the other cheek when He could have said, “No I don’t want to do this!” But He did – He focused on the entire population of men, women and children and walked through the path of persecution and death so we all might know what LOVE is!

I personally can say I was blessed as a daughter watching my father lay his life down for my beautiful mother. I too have a husband that sacrifices things as he only wants to simply make me happy and feel loved. He affirms me in my call as a wife, mother, and minister of the Gospel. It strengthens me to continue to do and even be even more! 

That brings us back to how a man and women in marriage are to be SELFLESS! They are to be servants who serve one another, bettering one another in all they say and do. Husbands, do we affirm our wives? Do we lift them up with words of encouragement? Do we help them with even the simplest of the day-to-day tasks, exhibiting the servant character of Jesus? Some wives become bitter because they do not feel appreciated, or even needed. But when they are loved in the fashion of how Christ loved the church, it builds them up to be even more of who God created them to be. A better wife, a better mother, and a better minister to others! Also, a better servant of God too; in her worship and service to Him.

Husbands, Jesus put the souls of all men and women before Himself; in so doing, may I challenge you as the Apostle Paul did to start each day to LOVE YOUR WIVES as JESUS LOVED THE CHURCH! 

Thank you for listening today, will you share this message with others? Also join us on Facebook, YouTube and on our website vcpencouragement.org.

Marriage Series - Be On Your Guard Against Divorce Part 2

Hello everybody, my name is Dean Davis and this is “Multiply,” the podcast that provides a word of encouragement for Village Church Planters.

Last week we thought about God’s declaration through the prophet Malachi.  The Lord says to all who are married, “Be on your guard, do not be unfaithful.”  So we considered ways to be faithful to the wife God has given us. We emphasized the importance of completely avoiding sexual and emotional bonding with any other woman. We said to both husbands and wives “Do not be unfaithful; do not bond with a person who is not your spouse.”

 

When we teach others to follow Christ, it is easy to say, “Do not sin. Do not lie. Do not steal. Do not be unfaithful.”  But it is harder to say, “Here is what you should do to live a life that pleases God. Here is what you should do to live a life that is blessed by God.  Here is what you should do to live the abundant life Christ bought for you.”  But as church planters, it is critical that we give positive instruction, not just negative warning.  

 

God in his grace gives us insight into what he has in mind for marriage. In Malachi 2:14 he speaks to the men of Israel telling them why he no longer accepts their offerings. His reason is this, “You have been unfaithful to [your wife], though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.”

 

Here is a great insight. It teaches all of us how to live faithfully. We must view our spouse as our partner, our permanent partner.  God says, “She is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.”  

 

So what is a partner? Partners are people who have shared resources and shared goals. Partners work together to achieve their shared goals.  Do you know what your wife’s goals are?  Women, do you know what your husband’s goals are?  Have you ever sat down and talked about what is truly important to your spouse? Have you listened intently and really worked to understand your spouse’s goals?  As husbands and wives you are partners. As partners, you have shared goals. What are they?  

Husbands and wives should have goals related to each other’s health and welfare. They should have goals related to their children and their children’s welfare.  Christian husbands and wives should have shared goals related to their service to the Lord and ministry in and through their church.  These goals should be communicated to each other with clarity.  These goals should become a matter of prayer. These goals should result in coordinated action so they can be achieved.

 

But before you can begin to work together to achieve those shared goals, you have to know what is truly important in life to your husband or wife. So here is my word of encouragement to husbands and wives today. Take time to talk about your goals and aspirations. Listen to the wife of your youth. Understand what she longs for. Pray with her, support her in the godly goals the Lord has placed in her heart. Wives, listen to your husband. His goals may seem confusing to you at first. But listen. He is your partner. When you understand his God-given goals, affirm them. Pray with him for his goals to be achieved. Help him. You are his partner.  When you understand your husband or wife to be your partner, your life partner, with whom you achieve heartfelt, God-given goals, faithfulness becomes much easier. Honor your spouse as your partner and enjoy the blessings of God.

 

This has been “Multiply.” And I’m Dean Davis asking, “Who will you share this encouraging word with today?

'One Another Series - Do Not Slander or Grumble Against One Another

This is Chuck Rapp with Multiply, a podcast to provide a word of encouragement for village church planters and leaders.

This year, in these podcasts, I am focusing upon the “One Another” scriptures found in the New Testament as viewed

through the lens of leadership.

Today’s podcast comes from two verses in the book of James. 4:11 and 5:9. Unlike other scriptures thus far in this

series, rather than dealing with things that we are to do, today’s scriptures instruct us regarding behaviors to avoid as

we interact with one another.

The first portion of James 4:11 admonishes us “Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another.”  In 5:9, James

elaborates on this theme with “Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The

Judge is standing at the door!”

To slander is to make a false statement that damages another person’s reputation.

To grumble against someone is to complain about them in an annoyed way.

I can’t speak for others; but if I am honest and keeping score, I might be one out of two on these. By this, I’m saying that

while I may not slander others, I can be prone to becoming annoyed with and complaining about others sometimes.

This falls short of James’ instruction.

One might ask. “Why should I not slander or grumble against another?” Here are some harmful consequences that

come to mind:

 This behavior damages our personal relationship – and our ministry relationship – with the other person

 As a leader, such behavior reduces our followers’ loyalty to us and likely to the organization as well

 When others see the leader behave in these harmful ways, they will tend to model our bad example. This can

lead to a toxic work or church environment that negatively impacts many people.

 Slander, that is, intentionally trying to damage the reputation of another person, creates strife within the Body

of Christ. This, too, is toxic and extremely harmful.

 When unbelievers see us treating others this way, it reinforces their bad opinion of Christianity. They may think,

“if that is the way they treat one another, I don’t want any part of it.”

Before I close, I must warn us of the outcome of these behaviors toward one another. James clearly cautions us that

“you will be judged.” In my English translation, it is the Judge (uppercase J), not judge (lower case) who is watching. The

context, in the previous verse, is the Lord’s second coming and the judgment associated with that event.

Be careful with the example that we set. Others are watching and will follow. We want to build up and not tear down.

This has been a word of encouragement for Village Church Planters.

Marriage Series - Be On Your Guard Against Divorce Part 1

Hello everybody, my name is Dean Davis and this is “Multiply,” the podcast that

provides a word of encouragement for Village Church Planters.

My older daughter is getting married in a little less than two weeks. Our whole

family is so excited! We are so happy for our daughter and so delighted that

she will soon join a wonderful Christian man in marriage. The preparations for

her marriage are many and complex. Now, every culture goes through those

preparations in slightly different ways. But people all over the world want their

children to enter into strong, healthy, fruitful, long-lasting marriages.

If you are married, think back on the preparations for your marriage. If you are

not married, think about the preparations one of your family members went

through before getting married. To marry well takes time. It takes forethought

and it takes planning. People take time to think and plan because they want

their marriages to go well.

But sometimes, married couples forget about all the counsel they received

before marriage. They forget the words of wisdom given to them by trusted

friends and family members. They think that the words of their pastor on their

wedding day were just formalities and ritual. They get in a hurry to just live

their lives. And I have to admit, sometimes this works out OK. But sometimes

it does not.

The prophet Malachi had some very wise words for married couples. He said in

Malachi 2:15, “So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you

be faithless to the wife of your youth.” He repeated this instruction in the

next verse saying, “So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

So here is a question worth pondering: How does a man guard himself in his

spirit, so he will be faithful and not faithless to his wife? And, how does a

woman guard herself so that she will not be faithless to her husband? The first

step is by meditating on what it means to be faithful.

To be faithful to one’s wife means to completely avoid sexual and emotional

bonding with another woman. To be faithful to one’s wife means to be

completely devoted to that woman’s welfare in every sphere of life. To be

faithful is to continually love one’s wife, in word and deed. To be faithful is to

cultivate trust and connection, emotional bonding along with growing respect

and appreciation.

Our God is faithful to us. His love never fails. His goodness toward us never

comes to an end. He delights in hearing our prayers and speaking to our hearts. 

Our God will not reject us. He is always merciful and kind to us. He is

patient and loving.

Our faithful God calls on every man to be faithful to his wife. He calls on every

woman to faithful to her husband. He calls us to be like him.

But he knows it is not always easy. He knows that the tempter will constantly

tempt us to act in selfish ways to put our own interests and needs above those

of our spouse. Thus the words of God’s prophet Malachi, “Guard yourself in

your spirit and do not be faithless.”

This has been “Multiply.” And I’m Dean Davis asking, “Who will you share this

encouraging word with today?